


out of all these things i've done (i think i love you better now)

by suggledale



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 06:39:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11351949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suggledale/pseuds/suggledale
Summary: just a place for my short ficlets that i don't want to make into multi chapters





	out of all these things i've done (i think i love you better now)

Aaron doesn't see it coming.

One moment he's elbow deep in dirty dishes and soapy water, humming along to an overplayed pop song Liv loves on the radio.

The next, he's opening the door to two police officers and being told that his husband has attempted to kill himself.

He can barely hear what they're saying over the rush of blood in his ears. Surely they've got it wrong. Aaron would have seen the signs, he knows Robert inside out.

Doesn't he?

Attempted to kill himself.  
Suspected pharyngeal laceration.  
Hotten General.

The journey to the hospital is the longest of Aaron's life. Every speed limit is broken along the seemingly never ending Yorkshire roads and he's not sure how he doesn't cause an accident in his haste to see his husband.

His husband, his beautiful husband.  
Bile rises in his throat as he imagines Robert in the hospital, alone and afraid. Maybe he's not even conscious. Maybe he's not even ali-

He pulls into a lay by and barely makes it out of the car before he's doubled over, emptying the contents of his stomach.

His hands are shaking uncontrollably and he mentally berates himself for being so weak when Robert is obviously the one in pain, both mentally and physically.  
He gets back into the car, leans his head against the headrest and digs the heels of his palms into his eyes to stop any threat of tears.

He doesn't want to think about Robert trying to take his own life.  
He doesn't want to think about his husband in a dark enough state that suicide seemed like his only option.  
He doesn't want to think about how he's failed Robert, failed him as a husband, broken his vows.

He doesn't want to think.  
But this isn't about him.  
Robert needs him, needs to know that Aaron can't imagine his life without him.

Cant imagine a life without Robert and Liv bickering over breakfast while he rolls his eyes and pretends he isn't entertained, without Robert stealing his toast and pressing a cheeky kiss to his lips in thanks, without Robert laughing at his terrible jokes and looking at him like he's the only person in the world.

He needs to know how much Aaron loves him and how he wishes he'd told him every single day when he had the chance.

Aaron hopes he isn't too late.  
He can't be.

 

 

Strangers in the waiting area are glancing warily at him as he paces the tiny room, as if he's about to snap and break down in front of their very eyes.

Aaron knows he's barely keeping it together, every passing minute without seeing his husband pushing him closer to the edge.

He's already called Vic and his Mum, stuttering out what he knew through broken sobs and telling them to get to the hospital as soon as they could. He's sure he was barely intelligible on the phone, but his mum seemed to understand the basic details of what he was trying to say, assuring him she was on her way.

The last update, given by an elderly nurse with pity-filled eyes, told Aaron little more than what the police had said.

Attempted suicide, assessing for trauma to the trachea and vocal chords, contacting Hotten Mental Health Unit.

In spite of the dull ache of worry, and genuine heartache, in his chest he struggles to keep the anger beneath the surface at bay. Not anger at Robert, but at himself for not noticing his husband struggling. What kind of man can't see their partner spiralling out of control right in front of them?

Aaron desperately tries to think of anything that could have lead to this, any signs he missed, but he's left only with more questions.

How long had Robert felt like he couldn't take anymore? Why didn't he reach out for help, talk to Aaron or Vic, or even Chas? Why did he think suicide was his only solution? Did he really think Aaron could survive in this world without him?

Question after question flood Aaron's mind and with every one left unanswered, he feels guilt twist in his gut.

After what feels like an eternity of waiting, a doctor cautiously approaches him and tells him Robert is still unconscious, but stable. Without a moment of hesitation, despite not knowing what awaits him in the hospital room, Aaron asks if he can see him. He feels himself almost sag with relief when he's told he can sit with Robert until he wakes.

Robert is alive.

He's in a fragile mental state and in need of professional help to deal with his demons, but he's alive.

That has to be enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism is welcomed!  
> please come say hi on tumblr @ suggledale x


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